Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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