im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
