Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
