girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
i came on her dog
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
