so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
