11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize