so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
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