Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
