Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
These tits shall not be calmed
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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