I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
