wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize