Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I accidentally burped into my bong.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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