Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
