I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
