somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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