you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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