and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
