My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
