Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
