no, he came in my armpit
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize