So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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