I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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