Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
