Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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