please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Randomize
