Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
