My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
