She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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