Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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