he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Randomize
