my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
