just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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