I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Randomize
