you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
