im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
