she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Its about making memories worth repressing
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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