worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
