what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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