And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
