How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
thus making me awesome and them whores
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
