Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
