I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
