did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
as a side note pls kill me
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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