too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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