He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
