I wish I could punch you in the face.
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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