I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
