Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
