I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
