Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
