Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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