if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
