i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
