So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Randomize
