where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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