Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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