Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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