i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
