Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
