Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
