He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
