Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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