I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize